Psychological Safety

There is a knock at the door. It’s night- time.

The fury and ferocity which filled the house moments before has dissipated, but a heady mix of adrenaline hangs in the air.

It’s quiet. Too quiet.

The adults are talking but I can’t make out what they are saying. There is confusion. Who called the police?

‘It was me.’ I declare. Any feelings of bravery I had, have dissolved and standing in my pyjamas at the top of the stairs.

I feel small. Insignificant.

From the policemen that evening, and so many evenings that followed, to the well- intentioned social worker, the observant teacher and the enquiring neighbour… my world was filled with safe adults that could have helped.

So why didn’t I speak up?

Shame is a powerful driver. No one needs to tell children not to tell. It’s instinct. You are after all ‘different’. From the teacher who enquires about a bruise in assembly to the social worker dropping presents off at Christmas; it’s a reminder that something happened that shouldn’t have.

Internalised shame is your secret, buried but not forgotten; your shadow that follows you into adulthood.

And it really does follow…

Attachment theory, pioneered by John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth reveals that our early bonds with care givers create a blueprint for all adult relationships, including those at work.

These early ‘imprints’ fundamentally shape how we handle feedback, navigate conflict and delegate responsibility.

As a sector we’re expert at codifying leadership. Implementing a new strategy? No problem, here’s some research that can help. Experiencing a new challenge? Please refer to this policy. Tackling a task for the first time? Attend this training.

There’s a place for policies, systems and processes. They bring equity, clarity and consistency. But we can’t ‘systemise’ people. And therein lies the challenge. We are wonderfully flawed humans, who bring not just our professional selves, but our lived experiences to work too.

Now I’m not suggesting for a moment, that we psychoanalyse each other, or that the work- place is the best setting to do that. But if school leaders and educators are responsible for creating spaces that are safe, inclusive and rooted in a culture of psychological safety; perhaps this work starts with us?

Let’s explore three simple examples:

1. The anxious achiever (pre-occupied attachment style):

These are often leaders known for their precision and attention to detail, their tireless work ethic and ability to manage high stakes situations. All admirable qualities. But behind closed doors they might be struggling or exhausted. Obsessing over feedback and ruminating and replaying conversations. Linking their self – worth to professional outcomes.

2. The Fearful Compassionate leader (fearful – avoidant attachment)

These leaders may be fiercely passionate about their cause. They’re empathetic and deeply committed. However, they oscillate between intensely overworking to the point of almost burn out, then subsequently need to withdraw.

3. The Avoidant Powerhouse (avoidant/dismissive attachment style)

These are successful leaders, with a proven track record. They are decisive and well- respected but keep everyone at arm’s length. They see vulnerability as a weakness and dismiss emotional conversations as a distraction and struggle to connect with colleagues on a personal level.

Any of these starting to sound familiar yet?

Attachment styles:

• Secure = low anxiety / low avoidance
• Anxious (preoccupied) = low avoidance/ high anxiety
• Avoidant (dismissive) = low anxiety /high avoidance
• Fearful (disorganised) = high anxiety /high avoidance

Of course, real life is much more nuanced than this, and there are many more ways attachment styles can show up in our professional lives.

For a long time, I was firmly rooted in ‘The avoidant powerhouse’, with a dash of ‘anxious achiever’ on the side. 

I’d been working as a senior leader in a school in south London. It was my first real experience of school improvement. I was lucky enough to work with an exceptional headteacher, and the school had moved from satisfactory to outstanding. We were in an area of high deprivation and one of the highest crime wards in Europe. This was challenging work, but I loved it. I adored working with my headteacher, yet on our final day together she told me, ‘You know Laura, after four years working together, I really don’t know the first thing about you.’

I remember the relief washing over me. Mission accomplished, I thought. I had survived my time there without anyone needing to know or understand me. The trouble with this of course, is that I wasn’t building relationships either.

Perhaps this is no surprise. There had been lots to celebrate growing up. But my home was also unsafe. Unpredictable.

As Dr. Julian Ford notes emotional detachment often stems from early experiences when vulnerability feels unsafe, this can, if we’re not careful lead to a leadership style that prioritizes control over connection.

Superficially I had strong qualities, many of which were rewarded by the sector. But did this style of leadership help my colleagues as much as I thought it did?

Of course not.

The good news is that our attachment patterns can shift with awareness and intentional work. Dr. Norman Doidge’s work on plasticity reminds us that our brains are remarkable; we can learn new pathways, new patterns of behaviour and rewire. It’s our internal roadmap for transformation.

Whether we’re ready or not to acknowledge these parts of ourselves, they’ll find a way to show up. Slowly and over time, I was able to see how a different approach might be better for the team, and better for me. With the support of deeply reflective leaders, wonderful colleagues (and some of my favourite humans at outside of work), things started to change.

Now I’ve got plenty more work to do and lots to learn. But am I more patient leader? Yes. A more empathetic leader? Undoubtedly. I’d even go so far as to say, I’m gone from trying to ‘hide in plain sight’ to recognising that my cumulative experiences are, in fact…my superpower. I suspect this is how I’ve found myself becoming such an advocate for psychological safety, for pupils, for staff and for the wider community.

All of which makes me reflect deeply on how we engage with pupils who have experienced ‘adverse childhood experiences’, the fundamental importance of a strength-based approach and the profound impact of co -production.

That said, we would do well to remember that psychological safety is not just a ‘nice to have’ or some hippy ideal; research indicates it is one of the most consistent indicators of high performance across industries.

Professor of leadership and management Amy Edmonson emphasizes the importance of teams feeling ‘safe to take interpersonal risks.’ Naturally this requires time, trust and cultural humility. There are no short cuts here, we need to be prepared to relinquish power and privilege.

The reward? Consciously feeling able to be vulnerable with colleagues. Who wouldn’t want that?

“The function of freedom is to free someone else.” –Toni Morrison