Written by Jack Lynch
Jack Lynch (they/them) is a writer, educator, and DEI specialist. As Co-Director and Workshops & Training Lead at Pop’n’Olly, they work with schools, educators, parents, and organisations across the UK to create more inclusive environments. Jack has delivered training to thousands of professionals and authored widely used resources that support good practice in diversity, equity, and inclusion in education.
I was seven years old the first time I heard “gay” used as an insult. It was hurled across the classroom at a boy in the front row, dripping with malice, and I knew instantly this was something I never wanted to be called. The teacher froze. Flustered, uncomfortable, unsure how to react, they simply moved on, pretending it hadn’t happened.
That reaction shaped the rest of my young life. That silence told me everything I needed to know. It told me the adults around me wouldn’t protect me. It told me I was on my own and that the safest thing to do was hide who I was.
In recent years, we have seen a considerable rise in the use of anti-LGBT+ language in primary schools, with the most common being the use of the word ‘gay’ as an insult. We know that 78% of primary school children across the UK hear homophobic language at school. When speaking with LGBT+ young people, they tell me that, much of the time, language like this is said out of the earshot of teachers. This means that when you do hear homophobic language as a member of staff, it is essential you know how to react. If you don’t, you risk that child learning exactly what I did: that they are not safe at school.
There are many reasons why a member of staff might not tackle a homophobic incident in school. In staff training, lack of knowledge and lack of confidence are the two biggest reasons given.
Practical Steps to Tackle Anti-LGBT+ Language
Before we get to some practical step-by-step recommendations of how to tackle specific incidents, it’s important we consider the school’s anti-bullying policy. According to a 2024 Research & Impact Report by LGBT+ anti-bullying charity, Diversity Role Models, ‘1 in 5 primary and secondary students said teachers didn’t inform them, or they weren’t sure if teachers regularly informed them about their school’s anti-bullying rules’.
In order to help staff feel empowered in dealing with incidents of bullying, it is essential to consider the following things:
- Do all your staff (not just SLT) know the school’s anti-bullying policy and are they able to explain this to the children?
- Is your anti-bullying policy inclusive of LGBT+ bullying? It may be useful to include wording in your anti-bullying policy that makes specific reference to homophobic, biphobic and transphobic bullying as well as a statement that everyone is treated equally regardless of their gender or sexual orientation.
This clarity in your policy provides a clear foundation to tackle LGBT+ bullying. However, it is important to go beyond just this and empower staff to tackle LGBT+ bullying when they encounter it. Something I’ve found particularly impactful in schools is an agreed procedure, created with staff, on how to tackle negative LGBT+ language if and when they hear it, including what to say and the next steps to take. Below are some things you may wish to include.
Step 1 – Be Curious. Start by asking questions…
Often children who are using words like ‘gay’ or ‘lesbian’ as an insult are mimicking the behaviour of others. These might be people they know outside of school, friends, family or people they have seen online.
With this in mind, you might wish to start with:
“It sounds like you’re using the word gay/lesbian/trans to mean something bad. Can you explain to me what you understand by that word?”
By approaching the situation with curiosity, the child is much less likely to become defensive for fear of being told off or punished and is more likely to be open to a conversation that develops understanding and empathy for others.
Step 2 – Educate, don’t just punish.
Did you know that, only ‘59% of primary students agreed that their classmates understood that words can hurt’, according to a 2024 Research & Impact Report by Diversity Role Models?
Part of our role as teachers and educators is teaching children empathy and compassion and incidents of anti-LGBT+ language are a fantastic opportunity to do just this.
When primary-age children use the word ‘gay’ as an insult it is often because they’ve heard it used at home and assume it’s OK to use this word. Explaining to a child that firstly, ‘being gay is just another way to be a human and not something to use as an insult’ can open up a conversation about why the child wanted to say something hurtful or offensive in the first place and what would have, instead, been more appropriate behaviour. Explaining that using ‘gay’ as an insult is hurtful to anyone who has a gay relative or friend can come as a surprise to a child and be a real learning curve for them.
Step 3 – Reinforce School Values
The values of your school are the bedrock of your school community as well as laying the foundation for both your anti-bullying policy, equality policy and others. Here is a great place to specifically talk about how using anti-LGBT+ language does not align with the values you have as a school community. You may also wish to use this time to make sure the child understands the anti-bullying policy and what consequences there may be for this behaviour.
Step 4 – Record and Monitor
Keeping accurate and up-to-date records of incidents will help track not only how often these incidents happen but also other useful information such as what language is being used or if the incidents are happening more in a particular year group etc. This information can then inform your school’s proactive work on reducing bullying.
For example, a school I worked with recently had seen an increase in the phrase, ‘That’s so gay’, so they delivered some specific lessons on the impact of using the word gay as an insult. This included making sure all children knew the correct meaning of the word and encouraging the children to think about how it might feel to have that word used as an insult. The session helped children understand that words can hurt others and that everyone has the right to feel safe and supported in their school, no matter their identity.
If the bullying behaviour persists after a proper conversation with a child, it may be appropriate to start imposing sanctions in line with your anti-bullying policy and involve the child’s parents or guardians.
Step 5 – What happens next?
We know that to make the most effective and lasting difference to tackling LGBT+ bullying, a whole school approach is necessary. This means not just making sure everyone in your school community (children, parents, teachers, non-teaching staff etc) is aware of your policies but actively encouraging everyone to buy into your school’s values.
Children are great problem solvers and their perspective on things is often different from that of the adults around them. When we ask children for their ideas on how we can tackle LGBT+ bullying, they are often better than us at fixing things. Our Head of Education, Mel Lane, witnessed this in her own class when a new child in the class used ‘lesbian’ as an insult. Powerfully, it was the children who rallied round and explained why they didn’t use that word as an insult and why it could be hurtful to do so. They didn’t need an adult to step in for them – they felt strongly enough to speak up themselves.
In conclusion, lead with curiosity and education rather than immediate punishment. This means empowering all staff to intervene and deal with incidents of LGBT+ bullying when they see them. For each school this will look different but it can start with simple things like, ensuring all staff know the schools anti-bullying policy, have relevant training on LGBT+ inclusion and have a clear process to follow when tackling incidents.
This proactive approach can help not only reduce the worrying rates of homophobic and anti-LGBT+ language children hear in schools but, in the long term, improve the mental health and well-being of all students, both LGBT+ and not.