Written by Matthew Savage
Former international school Principal, proud father of two transgender adult children, Associate Consultant with LSC Education, and founder of #themonalisaeffect.
Back in 2021, I wrote for this blog a post entitled, ‘Gender is “wibbly-wobbly” and “timey-wimey”, and gloriously so’. How the world has changed since then!
Then, we lived in a world which was ignorant about, fearful of, and discriminatory towards the trans community. However, today, this ignorance, fear and discrimination have been multiplied a thousandfold.
As life has become tougher for most people, populist, and simply wannabe-popular, governments have sought somehow to blame the situation on the marginalised and minoritised groups most negatively impacted by it: refugees, for example; the disabled; and, of course, trans people.
However, the purpose of this post is not to amplify the critical work of the Good Law Project to rehumanise trans identity in the wake of the EHRC’s misinterpretation of the UK Supreme Court’s recent judgment, or to amplify the efforts of Transactual, and other organisations within the UK’s trans and LGBTQ+ communities, to develop a co-ordinated response to the subsequent public consultation.
As a disabled, wheelchair user myself, I am tired of trying to navigate a world designed through an ableist lens uninformed by the experience of the disabled community itself. And one of the things that angers me most about the offensively called ‘trans debate’ is that it never centres trans voices.
And so this post seeks to share some of those voices, namely those of my two, beautiful, kind, adult, trans children, with whom I recorded a lengthy conversation last August, with the intention of turning it into a published article about the publication of which I am now sufficiently scared to postpone.
For the time being, then, instead, please let these snippets speak for themselves:
- “Like with queer identity in the 1980s, even mentioning it was framed as a bad influence on kids… Section 28 came from that mindset. Today the same fear – ‘talk about it and you’ll turn children trans’ – drives the panic around schools.”
- “Trans Day of Visibility is supposed to be positive, yet the very act of being seen now brings more danger: headlines, hostile laws, threats. Sometimes hiding feels safer than visibility that paints a target on your back.”
- “Adults are so far behind. Some still stumble over ‘trans man’ or ‘trans woman’, let alone neopronouns. Children already use that language confidently, but teachers keep circling around the terminology instead of choosing to learn it.”
- “Our existence gets politicised; we’re not allowed simply to live without becoming a talking point. ‘What about the children?’ is rolled out, yet the outrage is profitable fear-mongering, not genuine concern for young people’s wellbeing.”
- “Bullies know that strangers – and even politicians – repeat the same slurs, so their abuse feels legitimised. It isn’t only hatred of who you are; it’s a constant challenge to whether you even are who you say you are.”
- “Trans kids are treated like pawns in a culture war. Nobody is talking to them; everyone talks about them. Policies get drafted, panels convene, yet the voices most affected are left outside the room.”
- “Breaking down gender stereotypes liberates everyone – cis students included – who doesn’t fit a rigid mould. When a classroom loosens those constraints, more young people can breathe and learn as their authentic selves.”
I firmly believe that in a world where to come out as trans has never been more terrifying, what we need most is for trans allies to come out instead – with your families, your friends, your colleagues and the world at large. Because I firmly believe that, at times like these, silence is complicity.
Will you come out as the ally my children, and their trans siblings nationwide, need now more than ever?