Written by Hannah Wilson
Founder and Director of the Belonging Effect (formerly Diverse Educators).
Silence can be powerful. It can create space for reflection, listening and understanding. But silence can also be damaging. It can enable harmful behaviours, reinforce inequalities and leave people feeling isolated, invisible and unsafe.
This year’s Anti-Bullying Week theme, Break the Silence, invites us to reflect on the role we all play in recognising, challenging and preventing bullying. It asks us to consider not only the actions of those who bully, or the experiences of those who are bullied, but also the responsibility of those who witness bullying.
Because bullying does not happen in isolation. It happens within relationships, communities and cultures. And the responses of those around us can either reinforce harmful behaviours or help to disrupt them.
How do we move from being passive bystanders to active upstanders?
The Difference Between a Bystander and an Upstander
A bystander is someone who witnesses bullying, discrimination or harmful behaviour but does not intervene. Their silence may be motivated by fear, uncertainty, discomfort or a belief that someone else will take responsibility. Sometimes people simply do not recognise what they are witnessing as bullying.
An upstander, however, recognises when something is wrong and chooses to respond. Being an upstander does not necessarily mean confronting someone publicly or putting ourselves at risk. It can mean offering support, reporting concerns, challenging inappropriate language, checking in with someone who has been excluded or refusing to participate in behaviours that cause harm.
It means recognising that doing nothing is also a choice. Importantly, we must be careful not to judge those who remain silent without understanding why. Speaking up requires confidence, courage and, crucially, psychological safety.
For some children and adults, challenging bullying may expose them to further harm, exclusion or retaliation. Therefore, our responsibility as educators and leaders is not simply to tell people to speak up. It is to create cultures where they feel safe, supported and empowered to do so.
The Culture of Silence
Bullying can take many forms. It can be physical, verbal, relational or online. It can be overt and immediately recognisable, or subtle, persistent and difficult to identify. Sometimes it manifests through exclusion, rumours, humiliation, microaggressions or the repeated undermining of someone’s identity and sense of worth. And sometimes it is disguised as humour.
It was only a joke… They are just having a laugh… Don’t take it so personally… That’s just what children do… It was just banter…
These responses can minimise the experiences of those being harmed and normalise behaviours that should be challenged.
When harmful language or behaviour goes unchallenged, what message does that send?
- To the person experiencing bullying, silence may communicate that their experiences do not matter.
- To the person responsible, silence may suggest that their behaviour is acceptable.
- To those witnessing it, silence can establish an expectation that this is simply how things are.
Over time, these repeated moments shape the culture of a classroom, a staffroom, a school or an organisation. Culture is not only shaped by the behaviours we encourage. It is also shaped by the behaviours we tolerate.
Belonging, Psychological Safety and the Courage to Speak Up
At The Belonging Effect, we talk frequently about the importance of cultivating cultures where everyone feels seen, heard, valued and that they matter. But belonging must be more than a statement of intention:
- A child cannot experience genuine belonging if they are regularly excluded by their peers.
- A member of staff cannot feel psychologically safe if they witness discriminatory language but fear the consequences of challenging it.
- A parent/carer cannot feel valued if their concerns about bullying are dismissed or minimised.
Belonging requires us to pay attention not only to the experiences of individuals but also to the relationships, behaviours and systems that shape our communities.
Psychological safety plays an important role in this – when people trust that they can raise concerns, ask questions, challenge behaviours and seek help without being humiliated or punished, they are more likely to speak up. However, psychological safety does not mean avoiding discomfort or difficult conversations.
Sometimes speaking up requires us to experience discomfort in order to prevent harm to others. We need to cultivate the confidence to challenge with compassion, the curiosity to understand different perspectives and the courage to act when our values are tested.
From Awareness to Action: Five Ways to Cultivate Upstanders
If we want children and adults to become upstanders, we need to move beyond awareness campaigns and develop the knowledge, language, confidence and relationships that enable action.
- Recognise and name harmful behaviours
We cannot challenge what we do not recognise. Schools need to develop a shared understanding of bullying, including identity-based bullying, discriminatory language, relational aggression and online harassment. We should explore the difference between conflict, unkindness and bullying without minimising the harm caused by any of these behaviours. We also need to recognise how prejudice, stereotypes and power imbalances can shape experiences of bullying.
Reflective question: Are we confident that everyone in our school community understands what bullying looks, sounds and feels like?
- Give people the language to challenge
Speaking up can be difficult, particularly when we do not know what to say. We can explicitly teach and model language that enables children and adults to challenge harmful behaviours safely and respectfully.
For example:
- “That’s not okay.”
- “Why do you think that is funny?”
- “I don’t think they are comfortable with that.”
- “Would you like me to come with you to speak to someone?”
- “I noticed what happened. Are you okay?”
These small interventions can interrupt harmful behaviour, communicate solidarity and create opportunities for further conversations.
Reflective question: Are we giving our children and colleagues the language and confidence to challenge inappropriate behaviours?
- Create safe opportunities to report and seek support
We cannot expect people to break the silence if they do not trust what will happen when they do. Reporting systems need to be accessible, confidential where appropriate, responsive and consistently applied. Children and adults need to know who they can approach, how concerns will be addressed and what support will be available.
We must also recognise that some people may feel less confident reporting bullying because of previous experiences, power dynamics or a lack of trust in institutional responses.
Reflective question: How do we know that our reporting systems are experienced as safe and effective by everyone, particularly those who may already feel marginalised?
- Model upstander behaviour through leadership
Children learn as much from what adults do as from what adults say. When educators challenge discriminatory language, address exclusion, acknowledge mistakes and demonstrate accountability, they model the behaviours they want to cultivate.
The same applies to school leaders. We cannot expect pupils to challenge bullying if adults routinely overlook inappropriate behaviours within their own teams. Nor can we claim to value inclusion while avoiding difficult conversations about prejudice, privilege and power.
Reflective question: Are we consistently modelling the courage, compassion and accountability we expect from others?
- Build collective responsibility for belonging
Preventing bullying cannot be the responsibility of one designated safeguarding lead, pastoral team or anti-bullying ambassador. It must be a shared commitment across the whole school community.
We need to involve pupils, staff, parents and governors in shaping expectations, identifying barriers and evaluating the impact of our approaches.
Student voice is particularly important. Rather than assuming we understand children’s experiences, we need to listen to them:
- Who feels safe?
- Who feels excluded?
- Where does bullying happen?
- Who feels confident speaking up?
- And whose experiences might we be overlooking?
Reflective question: How are we moving from individual responsibility to collective accountability for creating a culture of belonging?
Breaking the Silence Is Not Always About Speaking Louder
There is an important distinction between encouraging people to speak up and placing the burden of challenging bullying on those who are already vulnerable. Not everyone has the same power, confidence or freedom to challenge harmful behaviours:
- Sometimes being an upstander means speaking on behalf of someone who has not been heard.
- Sometimes it means creating space for someone else to speak.
- Sometimes it means listening, believing, documenting, reporting or seeking support from someone with the authority to intervene.
- And sometimes it means recognising when our own silence has contributed to a culture we want to change.
We need to move away from the expectation that courage always looks like public confrontation.
Being an upstander is not about being the loudest voice in the room. It is about refusing to allow someone else’s voice to be silenced.
From Intention to Impact
Anti-Bullying Week provides an important opportunity to raise awareness, stimulate conversations and strengthen our collective commitment to preventing bullying. But the real measure of its success is what happens after the assemblies, workshops, displays and campaigns have finished:
- Are children more confident reporting concerns?
- Are staff more willing to challenge harmful behaviours?
- Are families confident that their voices will be heard?
- Are we noticing and responding to patterns of exclusion?
- Are those who have experienced bullying feeling safer, more supported and more connected to their communities?
- And, perhaps most importantly, how do we know?
If we are serious about cultivating belonging, we need to evaluate not only our intentions but also the lived experiences of those within our schools.
Breaking the silence is not a one-week commitment. It requires ongoing reflection, intentional action and collective accountability.
Final Reflections
As we mark Anti-Bullying Week 2026, perhaps we should challenge ourselves to move beyond asking children to be kind. Kindness matters, but preventing bullying also requires courage, accountability and action.
We need to teach children how to recognise injustice, challenge harmful behaviours, support others and seek help. We need to empower adults to model these behaviours consistently. And we need to cultivate school cultures where speaking up is encouraged, supported and valued.
So, we leave you with three questions:
- What are we currently witnessing but not challenging?
- Whose silence might be telling us something about the culture we have created?
- What will we do differently to ensure that everyone feels safe enough to speak up, and supported when they do so?
Because belonging is not simply about being welcomed into a community. It is about knowing that the community will stand alongside you when it matters.
This Anti-Bullying Week, let’s break the silence. Let’s move from being bystanders to becoming upstanders. And let’s shape our intention into impact.
Continue the Conversation
At The Belonging Effect, we work with schools and organisations to cultivate cultures of belonging through inclusive leadership, courageous conversations, psychological safety and collective accountability.
Explore our training, consultancy and resources at www.thebelongingeffect.co.uk.
The Belonging Effect: Shaping Intention into Impact.